It has been too long since I wrote on here and tonight I just felt like I needed to get this out of my head and be at peace with my body.
If you are friends with my in real,life or follow my FB page, you have seen I have been struggling. Struggling w running, with pain, with feeling like I was moving backwards and fighting my body every step of the way.
And I have been.... for years I have worked at being a runner, at losing weight, and getting farther from when I loved my workouts.
I have a great team around me. Not just family and friends but a great MD and recently found an amazing massage therapist (which is an understatement of what she does- fascial release is way beyond massage). Through work I a trying a weight loss program.
I have had insane pain in my right leg. The more I tried to work through it the worse it got. MRI ordered to look at what is going on found an answer I wasn't expecting. Apparently, my right knee cap has pretty significant arthritis.
That means that one day it will need at least a partial replacement. If I modify things, I can li,rly put it off many years and only need a partial. If I keep running, biking, beating up that knee I will need it sooner and possibly a total instead of a partial.
When talking to someone about it I said even though I truly sucked at runnning I felt like a failure giving it up. She asked why it was so important to me if I didn't enjoy it, was not good at it, it had already put my under the knife once and would put me there faster. I tried to explain and I couldn't. Because she was right. I enjoy lifting, I am pretty decent at it and my body responds to it. Running and biking really hurt. Running never felt natural.
But, the there is Brody. My iRun4 buddy. If I don't run there are no medals to send. Will he be sad? (I know he won't be nor will his family but it weighs a little.)
And running seems like it should be the most natural thing to do. But for me it isn't.
So, I think I am finally at peace with this and letting go. I have to honor this body that has carried me through 44 years so far and hopefully will carry me at least 44 more.
I am getting back to basics. Back to lifting, modifying things that hurt, finding things that don't.
My early trainers tried to teach me this lesson. That feeling uncomfortable is ok. Pain is not. Pain is your body telling to to stop and listen. I forgot it for a while but I am getting back there. Ian and AJ.... I know better. (Haha and now I have a legit reason not to jump!)
So,what is my point in all this? Hoping that if you are reading this and your feeling like what you are doing is hurting, true pain-- STOP and find something else. Find a team to help you learn what is going on and what is a better choice for your body. And let go of what your head "thinks" you should do and listen to what your body is trying to tell you.
